Some people suggest that I am deep.
If this is Truth, then the moment that I became so, resides in a place in time, when I was ten...
(I think.)
The thick rays spilling into the room from a westward facing window, settled them selves over any thing they could touch, in that dusty and stifled room. The top of my desk was extra ordinarily warm and seemingly still. As I sat with my eyes transfixed down at the shadows that had found their place amidst the seeping light,. I witnessed them wilt and slowly reseed at it's glorious mercy. The insignificance of time did not yield it from it's unforgiving passage, and in moments I was no longer alone, as much as I preferred to be. I was comforted by the strangeness of a new and compelling emotion that I now felt towards, some one so unknown. With all my capacity, I tried to take in, what it was I was seeing. Feeling. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever been privileged to witness up until that point of understanding. The Light exalted her even further into the recesses of my short existence. It was as though she presided over it.
I was given a blank piece of paper, along with a series of instruction. and a question, that scattered my Serene, thoughts like shards of mirror across my consciousness. Before, I could even care to know it, I was deeply focused on the tips of my trembling fingers, that violently squeezed to life my new shiny yellow, pencil. Holding my ten year old face inches from the paper, I would bleed the answer from the freshly sharpened led tip by physically willing it to happen
( or so I believed). As I frantically struggled with the immense impossibilities, I knew there was an answer.... however I also knew that I was not worthy of answering it. This was affirmed by the imposing fear that echoed .. Fear, that came like waves, resounding in my small mind, shaping it's self in the voice of my father. My name was my failure, for it is what I heard, every time that I had.
She sat next to me to my left, completely pressed to my side as if she had always been a part of me. waiting. waiting... to see my failure.
As tears took the place of determination, I found my self to, now wilting and reseeding. Before I could give in to familiar dispar, a soft hand gently propped under my chin. That, instantly, redirected my attention, out ward. My gaze once again affixed on the bright pail yellow light that was the top of my desk. Blinding in it's stark contrast to where I had just been. A slight graceful motion of her arm brought My eyes up to meet hers for the first time. in the seconds that had elapsed. Dissipating, reforming and multiplying till they became minutes by which I would become consumed, Beyond the depths of her eyes there was a place I found within me.
I would be forever trapped in an Eternity.
life lesson one: Every thing is more than it seems.
Moses B4D2010
